Romany (romanyg) wrote,

Shallow Thoughts: Smallville and Clark and his bed.

Okay, I've been terrible about interacting with all of you. Missed some birthdays, I know Rene and Tesla's, others. I haven't even posted my thoughts on the last Smallville ep. I've seen it, been a bit thinky, but not articulate. Plus there's the whole 'into my own cracked up fic universe' thing. Which, dude, I cannot step away from the triangles. And why? They're all pointy and stabbity and messy no matter which way you flip them.

Plus there's the whole weirdness of me just wanting to see Clark get laid. And I'm not so particular as to who (well, I am. I do have my OTPs - and OT3s, help me! The messy long haul. But laid? Not so particular.)

Slash, het, bring it on. But the boy's not getting any and that just makes me sad.

Okay, one thing that I can't figure out is the whole SEXLESSNESS of the current Clana. WHAT?!? And for all you people that don't particularly care for Lana, you're probably happy about it. But I'm not. Because Clark needs to get laid! He needs to hum in the shower, roll over and have someone there. And if you're saying, yeah right, the pinkity princess? But Lana hasn't been that for some time. One of the main reasons that they broke up in S5 was due to HER sexual frustration. Which means that sex must have been pretty good. And don't give me oh missionary and boring, because those two were all *over* each other and Clark would have no problem using his tongue and his hands. There's some *serious* sensuality that he keeps a firm lid on.

So okay, from what we've figured out from previous seasons, that's a two bedroom farmhouse. Martha's gone so Kara's probably camped out in her room. Which means Lana sleeps where? Don't even tell me that Clark's doing the couch thing again.

But they're completely acting like they just roll over and sleep back to back with just a fuzzy 'good night' from each of them. HUH?!? Dude!

And the only thing, the ONLY thing, that I can figure for this is that Lana is backing off because of her Secret. She's acting like Lex did when they were just shacking up and she was trying to hump him every chance she got and he would say: I'm sorry, dear, I have to go to work. WORK! WTF? And he'd kiss her on the cheek. Why? Because of his major guilt and his Secret.

And er, please don't tell me that Lana's sleeping in Martha's room because then where the heck is Kara?

"We need to think of the future of our species, Clark."

"You're my cousin! OMG!"

And you're thinking ew, incest. But cousin/cousine was perfectly legal in this country until recently (FDR and Eleanor for one). All those Regency romances are full of cousins banging away and walking happily down that aisle.

Just saying. Plus who knows what Kryptonian taboos are?

And of course, Chloe's a wreck right now, being dumped and a mutant and all. And well, Clark is just the big comfy chair and made of love, isn't he?

And you know he gets all worked up when he and Lois snark at each other and he's all "What? So annoying!" And then she gives him a big hug and he's thinking, "Breasts!"

And he and Lex are talking to each other again. And Lex just wasn't raised right, he'd think that Clark's glare in the hospital means something besides a glare, he'd be all "OMG, he wants me!" He'd be thinking, "And he ain't no sixteen anymore"...just you know, with prettier, bigger words and historical parallels.

And if I had my way, a certain young Gotham billionaire's car would break down right outside of Smallville. Clark would be working on the tractor, wrenches and grease and tank top, just a GAY PORN GOD!, and you know Bruce would just be staring at his, erm, HANDS! And Bruce can't resist a mystery, world's greatest detective and all. And Clark's such a mystery...

And Ollie would come zooming back from Star City, protect the Boy Scout, because he knows Bruce and Bruce hasn't returned any of his calls about hooking up with the League. And there'd be serious strategy sessions going on in that barn...

Just...Clark needs to get laid. RIGHT NOW!
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