Romany (romanyg) wrote,

Fic: "Pillow Talk", DCU, Bruce/Clark, Teen

Title: Pillow Talk
Author: Romany
Fandom: DCU
Pairing: Clark/Bruce
Rating: Teen, PG-13
Length: 2947 words
Spoilers: no real spoilers (mild references)
Warnings: slash, irredeemable schmangst, domestic kink, dialogue only
Disclaimer: Not mine, seriously. All belongs to DC Comics.

Summary: This wasn't supposed to happen. But somehow, it works out.

“I never thought you’d be a cuddler.”

“I’m not.”

“Then you’re doing this for me?”



“Don’t gloat.”

“I...I’m not. It’s just, what’s it called? Afterglow.”

“And you’re supposing the post-coital jabbering comes with that?”


“Pillow talk, Clark.”

“I guess I can get a little chatty. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ve just never been comfortable with it.”

“So you do this a lot?”

“I’m not about to catalogue my sexual experiences for you.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“Then what are you asking?”

“I have no idea.”

“This was never supposed to happen.”

“So that means you thought about it.”


“For how long?”

“A while.”

“Define a while.”

“I’m not prone to epiphanies, Clark.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“I’ve had one major epiphany, yes, but that doesn’t mean my life is a series of them.”

“I didn’t have an epiphany either. I mean, about this.

“Define this.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“You know why.”

“Let’s just say I don’t.”

“Because if I say anything, you’ll take it as a demand and push me away.”

“You may be right.”

“And the pushing starts now. Do you want me to go?”

“You can stay. It’s up to you.”

“And then what?”

“Coffee. Alfred makes a splendid omelet.”

“And then we’ll see if my ass is faster than the door. I get it.”


“God, I know. I’m sorry.”

“You’re assuming that you’re the one who’s emotionally vulnerable here.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m in the role of the other man. You have no right to make demands or inspire guilt.”

“You’re talking about Lois.”

“Yes, this only bolsters your confidence to finally make your move.”

“That makes no sense! Why would I...? You’re insecure, is that it? Bruce, I--"

“Don’t make any hormonally induced declarations.”

“But I do!”

“You don’t have the experience to know what you mean.”

“Just because I haven’t slept with half--!”

“I haven’t slept with half of anything. But, yes, some of the rumors are true.”

“I really didn’t need to know that.”

“You already thought it.”

“I didn’t need to hear that your one-night rep is true.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then it’s not?”

“It is. Most don’t get the full night.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I’m being honest.”

“Well, okay, ouch. Does everything have to be weapon with you?”

“I never meant to hurt you, Clark. That’s why this was never supposed to happen.”

“So you’re protecting me?”

“Yes. Always.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Clark, look, I’m fond of you, I care about you, and I find you attractive. For me, that’s saying quite a bit. But don’t try to read between the lines here. There’s nothing to read.”

“Just because the book is closed up doesn’t mean there isn’t a book.”

“Do you want me to amend what I said? Fine. You’re beautiful. Amazingly, breathtakingly so. As if you haven’t heard that often enough.”

“From people that don’t consider me a person, sure. So?”

“Your new-found hedonism will delight many.”

“You think I’m going to sleep around? What is with you?”

“This would never work. It’s astounding that we ever got along in the first place.”

“We didn’t. You were a grade-A jerk.”

“You were sanctimonious.”

“You were...well, I can’t say it.”

“If you can’t use a curse word in bed, then you’re hopelessly lost.”

“An asshole. You still are.”

“I’m wounded.”

“Yeah, you are. Believe me, I fought this.”

“Then why are you complaining now? Tomorrow will be a brand new day for you, and this will be out of your system.”

“Why are you betting against yourself?”

“Who says I am?”

“Bruce, you’re the bravest, strongest, most stubborn man I know. The only one that can beat you is yourself.”

“Odd qualities for an asshole.”

“No, they’re perfectly you. And you’re my asshole. That won’t change tomorrow.”

“Now who’s stubborn?”

“I’m a good interpreter. You’re the king of the mixed message.”

“And that means?”

“You don’t like to be touched, Bruce. Not normally. We’re still cuddling and I’m not forcing you to do that.”

“I’m just trying to soften the blow. Or maybe working up to round two.”

“Just listen to you.”

“Why are you grinning?”

“Because we’re not up to round two and I’ve already won.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot.”

“I’m rescinding the omelet.”

“And the coffee?”

“You can have that. I’m not a cruel man...Idiot and asshole, are those supposed to be our pet names now?”

“We could use them in public and no one would ever know.”

“You would never say asshole in public.”

“As long as I can say it here, I really don’t care.”

“Only an idiot would pursue this.”

“Only an asshole would try and stop me.”


“Where are you going?”

“To get a drink. I’ll be right back.”


“Here, I brought you a water.”


“It’s just a drink. Brandy, if you want to know.”

“I’m not judging you.”

“Of course you are. Clark, if you’re going to make a habit of these overnights, you’re going to see me have the occasional drink.”

“I thought that was a part of the act.”

“It is, but I’ve developed a taste for it. Better than Ambien.”

“Can I have a sip?”

“Go right ahead.”

“It’s...the aftertaste...I’m sorry.

“You weren’t expecting the Days of Wine and Roses, were you?”

“I don’t see any roses.”

“I warned you.”

“Yes, because a brandy snifter is so scary. At least you don’t smoke.”

“I did.”

“You’re kidding.”

“In Europe, before I went to Asia. Everybody did. I wasn’t any different.”

“Wasn’t any different...Do you have any idea how that sounds coming from you?”

“As if you’re one to talk...I tried marijuana too.”


“No. Here. Back when Roy had his...problem, I went into Dick’s room and found a small bag.”

“You went through his things? Bruce!”

“So I tried it. You think I’m paranoid now? I almost set fire to the cave. Luckily, I fell asleep before I could get to it.”

“What did Dick do?”

“What do you think? He laughed. We still don’t talk about it.”

“Come here.”


“Just...come here.”


“You’re not moving in here.”

“I never asked.”

“It wouldn’t be feasible. People see Batman and Superman together too much as it is. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure it out if Clark Kent moves to Gotham.

“Bruce, I never asked.”

“That’s why we don’t go out either. I have to keep up appearances.”

“I never asked.”

“But then you wonder, well, why not Paris or Sydney? A dinner here, a concert there. It could be done.”

“Bruce, are you having conversations with me in your head?”

“It saves time.”

“It certainly adds to the mystery.”

“You’ve walked out that door a hundred times. I’m the asshole, remember?”

“Well, I’m the idiot. I wouldn’t be able to find it.”


“Bruce, what are you doing?”

“Clipping my toenails.”

“Okay, that’s it. The romance is gone.”

“You’re the one that wanted domesticity. Well, here it is.”

“Domestic toenail clippings.”

“We already use the bathroom at the same time. How is this any different?”

“You just do that so you can flush the toilet while I’m in the shower.”

“That can’t possibly hurt you.”

“It’s still a jolt. Haven’t you ever heard of recirculating hot water?”

“The pipes are fine.”

“They’re antique! I think some of them are still lead! You can’t get the plumbing redone?”

“Speaking of faulty plumbing, the sink’s stopped up again.”

“I fixed it two months ago.”

“What’s the point of keeping you around if you don’t do chores?”

“Yes, master. Whatever you say, master. Must serve master.”


“And I think I just got an upgrade from idiot. We have progression.”


“And we have confirmation. Hurry up and finish your toes.”

“How can I when you’re doing...that?”

“You like that. But you can call it work under adverse conditions. Naked work. Very dangerous. This is definitely a job for Superman.

“Just...Jesus, Clark...I need to see what I’m doing.”

“No you don’t. You’re a creature of the night. You instill fear into...”

“All right, you want instill? I’ll give you instill!”

“Oh God, please do.”



“Leave the light. I have work to do.”

“Bruce, you brought work to bed?”

“Believe it or not, I do have a day job.”

“So do I. That reminds me...”

“Is that your laptop?”

“Believe it or not, I have a day job too. I was going to finish this in the morning, but now is good.”

“We’re not having sex, are we?”

“Unless a corporate report is your idea of foreplay, that would be a no.”

“And you’re fine with that?”

“I think it’s the first requirement of commonlaw marriage. Bed, no sex.”

“We’ll work. And then we’ll go to sleep. Together.”

“Sounds like a plan.”


“Hey, I didn’t get a chance to close that file! Bruce, what are you...”

“This is not a ‘marriage’. This is not a longterm relationship. This is based on sex. We get in this bed and we fuck. That’s what we do. End of story. Do you understand?”

“Are you still telling yourself that?”

“Do you understand?”

“If I say yes, will you stop?”

“Turn over.”


“Turn. Over.”


“My house, my rules, Clark. Turn over.”

“No, fuck you.”


“Made you blink. How about I say it again? Fuck you. I’m taking my ball and going home. You’ve got my number.”

“Clark, get back...Clark!”


“What is this?”

“Clark, it’s five in the morning...”

“Answer the question. What is this?”

“It’s a tie pin. Tiffany’s.”

“Is this my lovely parting gift?”


“Three weeks, you don’t call. And then I get this delivered to my office.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“One year. One year, and you say goodbye with a little internet shopping trip.”

“You’re the one who left.”

“Yes, why is that, you passive-aggressive asshole?”

“I told you from the beginning...”

“No, you don’t get to play that card. You don’t get to live in PretendLand anymore.”

“And it’s my fault that you had these ridiculous expectations? When was I ever anything but honest with you?”

“When were you ever honest with yourself, Bruce?”

“Is this the part where you want me to say, ‘I’m sorry, I never realized that I loved you?’ Get over yourself. You were never that great of a lay anyway.”

“Well, I guess you were right. I really am an idiot.”

“Yes, you are. Get out.”


“You’re drunk.”

“Clark, you’re here...”

“I couldn’t understand you on the phone.”

“I waited...after patrol...the mission.”

“Yes, you waited to get shitfaced until you got back. Very commendable.”

“You’re funny...always been funny. No one laughs at me like you do...miss it.”

“The Joker...”

“His jokes...terrible. People die. That...that’s not funny.”

“No, it’s not. We...we’ve lost a lot of people, you and me.

“That...that’s why this was never supposed to happen.”

“We went over that already. I’ll live.”

“No, you died.”

“It didn’t take.”

“And then you left.”

“Ten months ago.”

“Are you...?”

“Seeing anyone? No, I’m not. I’m a terrible lay, remember?”

“That’s the thing. You’re not. I’m just an asshole. Say it, like you used to.”


“You’re not an idiot, Clark. I’ll have to think of something else.”

“We had smartass for a while.”

“We did, didn’t we?”

“You should get some sleep.”

“Water...aspirin...I already did that.

“That’s good.”


“You’re in bed.”

“No, you. Bed, no sex.”

“You’ll call me an idiot in the morning.”

“Won’t. I promise.”


“Clark, you idiot! Christ, my head...”

“Good morning, sunshine.”

“Shut up. Jesus...Did I call you?”

“And you told me all your deep, dark secrets. Now you’ll have to kill me.”

“I did not miss that thing you call a sense of humor.”

“That’s not what you said last night...”

“Did...did we...?”

“No. You said something about Bed, No Sex.”

“You’re enjoying this too much.”

“No, actually, I’m not.”

“Stay here.”


“I need to go sweat this out, but I’ll be back.”

“You know, I have to go to work.”

“Call in.”


“Just do it, smartass. We’re going to lunch.”


“I can’t eat this.”

“Then why did you order it?”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time. You eat enough for both of us anyway.”


“Clark, look, I’m going about this all wrong. Things were said...”

“You always do that.”

“What do I do?”

“’Things were said.’ Who said what things? You leave out the pronouns, completely absolve yourself of responsibility by using the passive voice, all while making it sound like some ominous statement set in stone.”

“Fine. I said some things...”

“Yes, you did.”

“Don’t interrupt. You’re supposed to be the one with manners. All right, I said some things before which I apparently refuted last night. Obviously, I do miss your company once in a while. But don’t think I’ve been sitting here pining for you, because I haven’t. A number of things, that have absolutely nothing to do with you, triggered my uncharacteristic episode of weakness.”

“Your point?”

“I apologize for involving you. It won’t happen again.”

“You’ve had more than one long, dark night of the soul, Bruce. I’ve been there for a few of them.”

“Which I can normally handle just fine without crutches or companionship.”

“You know, you’re not the lone wolf you claim to be. You always have people around you that you keep at arm’s length.”

“You’re not my therapist.”

“You need one. Are we done?”

“Finish your lunch. You were always whining before about how I never took you anywhere.”

“No, that was the Clark in your head. Don’t get the two of us confused.”

“Who’s the asshole?”

“Look, Bruce, it’s not like we haven’t seen each other at all these past ten months. We’ve been able to work together just fine.”

“Yes, you’ve been completely professional.”

“You have a problem with that?”

“No, I don’t.”

“God, you’re a liar.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“As if you haven’t been running around crying on everyone’s shoulder.”

“You know I haven’t, that’s what pisses you off. No one knew, Bruce. They still don’t.”

“Oh, so what are all those little talks with Diana about?”

“I have a life. I have friends. We don’t discuss you.”

“Is that what you want to call it?”

“We used to be friends. You’re the only one that I went that route with. My mistake.”

“The two of you touch each other all the time!”

“Are you...? Bruce, are you jealous?”

“Stop laughing. I’m merely observant.”

“You’’re really something, you know that? You do realize, that for most people, touching doesn’t have to mean sex. Just because you’re wired that way...”

“Several people have no problem with my wiring.”

“You think I don’t know that you’re back to the one-night stands, Bruce? If that’s what works for you, go ahead.”

“I don’t need your permission.”

“Would it make you feel better if I said, yes, it does hurt?”

“No. No, it wouldn’t. That’s why this...”

“Was never supposed to happen. I know that song by heart. We could have been friends again if you had at least tried. I would’ve met you half-way.”

“What the hell do you think I’m doing now?”

“I have no idea. You tell me.”

“You’re calling me on my crap, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am.”

“You always did. That’s why...Jesus, can’t we just skip to the part that I know?”

“And that would be?”

“The part where I get down on my knees and show you just how much I don’t want to be friends with you.”

“I was waiting for you to get to that part.”

“You’re still a smartass.”

“You’re still an asshole. Get the check, let’s go.”




“Stay the night.”

“We’re not used to doing this in the afternoon. We both need to go out, do our jobs. We can’t just call that in.”

“I know. But you’ll be back?”

“If you’ll have me, sure.”

“Why do you put up with a sorry bastard like me?”

“You know why.”

“I...I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say what you need to hear. That doesn’t mean I don’t.”

“Shhh, I know. Reading between the lines, remember?”

“Right now, I don’t remember how to move.”

“You make a good blanket. Did I hurt you?”

“I’ll be walking funny for the next hour.”

“Because I just spanked you like the bad boy you are and screwed you within an inch of your life?”

“That does not leave this room. Ever. I have a reputation.”

“Yes, sir. Oh Batman, my Batman.”


“Seriously, if I hurt you, you have to let me know.”

“I’m fine.”

“Then so am I.”



“I’ve never clipped my toenails in front of anyone else.”

“Who else would let you?”

“Idiot. You’re supposed to read into that.”

“You know I do, asshole.”

“And all is right with the world.”

“Who’s the smartass?”

“Can we have a moment of silence now?”

“Only if you kiss me.”

“Clark, I...”

“I ellipsis you too.”

“Ellipsis? Very funny.”

“That’s the beauty of an ellipsis. It can go on forever and imply everything.”

“In that case, I ellipsis you very much.”

“Oh, Bruce...”
Tags: fic, sv/dcu fic
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