My wacky ideas hurt people or make them angry. I'm aware enough of this that I haven't been posting to any of the comms lately. I don't want to upset people by inviting them over to my place and then bludgeoning them over the head when they get here. And if I thought that I was producing a quality product, I'd take my chances and let the work speak for itself. But I'm not sure that I am. The craft is suffering; I'm over-producing. And that makes me suck even more because I'm writing too much to take full part in the fannish conversation. I'm not pulling my weight in terms of interacting, feeding. Instead, I'm just getting farther inside my own head. Which would be fine, I guess, if I kept my fic to myself (and believe me, there are some pieces that embarrass me too much to ever make public). But I don't, I post.
So then the question is, who am I writing for? I'm not sure. If I said just myself then I would be a lying liar who lies because it's out there for anyone to see. But then I don't write what I think people want either. If I did, there would be a lot more sweetness and light. And I wonder about myself that I don't have that in me a good deal of the time. I'm too much of a cynic and not the biggest believer in happy endings. That's life and who wants that in their fic? Fic is supposed to fix things, serve as an escape. But half the time, I'm in the angst corner. And depending which fandom that is, it's either sizably comfortable or excruciatingly small.
In the Bruce/Clark fandom, it's excruciatingly small. So I feel like the Debbie Downer that's crashed the conga line without so much as an invite. Not only that, but I wander over to the punch bowl, poke people in the eye and say, "Isn't this fun?" And they say, "No, I don't like that, stop it." But then I do it again. And then when someone comes up and says, "Okay, poke me in the eye, I might like that," I put a lampshade on my head, dance on the table and play the mandolin.
In other words, I'm capricious and inconsistent. When I write this pairing, half the time I don't know what I'm going to get. Sometimes, I wave my magic wand and *poof* no Lois and Bruce is only quaintly neurotic. Sometimes, I want to challenge myself with the Confines of Canon which means no sunsets and ever afters. And sometimes, I just wack out completely and tangent off of meta or merely to amuse myself.
That said, one of the meta ideas is complete blasphemy. Seriously, I'll get burned at the stake for this one: Bruce might not be a Sex God. Yes, jump back in horror that I would say such a thing, but it cracks me up to think about it. "The sleek and sophisticated Bruce Wayne?" you say, "The grim and mysterious Bat? He's the sexiest thing to ever sex! Get behind me, blasphemer!"
Yes, he oozes sex, I'll give you that, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's all that in bed. "But...but, he *kills* people with multiple orgasms! He's a registered deadly weapon with his body!" This, fortunately or unfortunately, is fandom construction and wishful thinking. On panel, Bruce doesn't get around all that much. Seriously, *Clark* has a better sex life than he does. Bruce just doesn't get any regularly. We can say, "Oh yeah, right, you *know* he screws all those women senseless." But canon says he doesn't, explicitly states. In fact, Talia's the *only* one that he's had any longterm physical relationship with (and even that wasn't all that long). He could have just climbed on top of her, gone about his business, and she would be just as obsessed.
I don't know if he and Selina actually got down to it, but she's pretty aggressive so he might not have had to do all that much if they did. Plus, serious ampage in the sexual tension and the release of it can make up some points. So she might have gone back for seconds even if she just rode him like the prize at the pony show the first time.
When most people rack up their experience points, their teens and twenties, Bruce happened to be a bit busy. True, he *could* have slept his way across Europe and Asia, but he probably didn't. So focused on his training, he probably poured all his efforts into that. Canon says he's a dropout (college definitely, maybe even high school) so he wouldn't have had the opportunity to navigate any sexual situations there.
Still plenty of opportunity for one-night stands, right? Canon hints that he's not about that at all. He's not lecherous, doesn't stand around thinking, "Man, I'd *love* to tap that." He's a bit uptight, not physically demonstrative, doesn't even like to be touched all that much. He might not be that sensually motivated even if he is sexually (at times). He very well may not make a startling transformation in the bedroom, leave his tight-assedness at the door--which means he could be not that much of a giver in bed. He could just get the shit over with if he gives into it.
If he does get it up--and he might not, half the writers who write him claim he's asexual--he probably jerks off quick in the shower, washes the evidence down the drain, not thinking much about anything, just to avoid nocturnal emissions. (So yeah, nobody's ever *really* died from blue balls, that's just a line guys use to guilt someone into giving them some. The body will take care of that in your *sleep* to keep you nice and healthy on the inside.) And given Bruce's wacky dream life, he wouldn't want to deal with the wet dreams his brain cooks up.
But that doesn't mean that he doesn't have a reputation, serve as a challenge, inspire curiosity. People probably talk about him, his prowess, how he must be *fantastic* either as Bruce or Batman. Which would make him even *less* likely to want to prove them wrong, that he grunts and makes stupid noises and may not even last that long since he doesn't get much to begin with, that he doesn't know one million and one ways to get someone off, that he doesn't have a bat-dungeon hidden in the cave or a decadent bedroom full of fun toys.
He's certainly aware of the buzz surrounding him and he uses it to his advantage--in order to fluster people, throw them off, get information or get out of a sticky situation. But he doesn't use it to get himself into a fun sex sticky situation. He might be afraid that he couldn't possibly live up to his own reputation, be a big fat disappointment. That he may, in fact, be a freak on the street and a lady in the bed.
And yes, lady, because when Bruce *does* think about sex and relationships (and why he can't have either), he has these huge romantic fantasies. He's all about the *intimacy*, not the bump and grind. He thinks about beaches and sunsets and marches down the aisle. And that's how he always phrases it: opening myself up, revealing, knowing all of me, acceptance, happiness and bliss. He could be a bit of a shy flower, lie back, and say, "Make beautiful, sweet love to me." And whoever he's with would just blink at him and say, "Who *are* you?" and giggle. Or, at least, that's what he's afraid of, the rejection of who he really is.
True, he could possibly be a Technician (someone who's physically skilled but emotionally distant), but where would he pick up the skill set? He can read all the books, watch all the porn he wants, but that doesn't rack up the experience points. Like learning how to drive a car by reading the driver's manual, it just doesn't work that way. And he'd know it, increasingly, as he gets older. He *hates* not being able to do something well, be the absolute best. He can delegate a lot of things, grudgingly, when there's someone else who's better suited for the job, all his 'strategic alliances'. But he can't delegate his own sex life.
And he's attracted to powerful people, people he probably shouldn't be with. Either because they're on the wrong side, or he works with them, or they're simply unavailable somehow. He's an excellent saboteur of his own happiness. That could have just as much to do with his bedroom fear as all the rest of his angst. Poor guy. He could very well go the rest of his life counting on one hand the number of times he's gone past first base.
I don't know, I just crack myself up with these things. *g*