Romany (romanyg) wrote,

Silly!fic: DUDE! A Clexian tale

This is a story of subtext in tragic proportions, in fair Smallville, where we set our scene...

Dialogue provided courtesy of Messrs. Bill and Ted as well as Messrs. Beavis and Butthead.

May bear little relevance to canon.

Lex: *drives really fast*
Clark: Ow! *flails into river*
Lex: *drowns*
Clark: *saves*
Lex: Dude! *suspects*
Clark: Dude! *hides nifty superpowers*

Lex: Truck! *gives*
Clark: Truck! *returns*
Lex: Dude?
Clark: I'm not in it for the bling.
Lex: *hearts*

Lex: Dude, we're like so BFF!
Clark: Dude, no shit?
Lex: No shit. Let's totally hang!
Lex: X-box? I'll kick your ass!
Clark: Dude, your ass is so kicked.
Lex: *hearts*

Clark: *world-saveage*
Lex: Saw that!
Clark: Did not!
Lex: Did too!
Clark: Dude, you are so high!
Lex: Maybe? *confused*

Lex: Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Kent? Clark and I are going to hang out in the barn for a few hours for no particular reason, okay?
Martha: Hi, Lex.
Jonathan: *growls* Get off of my farm! And stop checking out my son's ass!
Martha: Jonathan!
Lex: Hey, Mrs. Kent, it's cool. *checks out Clark's ass*
Jonathan: Aaaarrrrghhhhh!

Lex: Dude, you should have this babealicious life.
Clark: Huh?
Lex: Serious. But you're so lame.
Clark: I'm *totally* lame.
Lex: That's what makes you kind of excellent too.

Lex: My dad sucks!
Clark: Your dad totally sucks!
Lex: *bonds*
Clark: *bonds*

Lex: *crazy*
Clark: *protects*
Lana: Ow!
Clark: *guilt*

Clark: Uh, dude, this is like crazy stalker shit here.
Lex: This room is all about me, not you.
Clark: Dude, whatever, I'm out of here.
Lex: X-box?
Clark: I've got stuff to do. *crawls into hole in wall*
Lex: Dude, where'd you go?

Lex: Hey!
Clark: Still pissed. Bye.
Lex: Look, football uniforms!
Clark: Dude, don't even.
Lex: Play me.
Clark: Huh? Told you, don't roll that way.
Lex: Try it. Play me.
Clark: *sighs, asks favor*
Lex: *does*
Clark: Serious? You'll let me play you?
Lex: Like a piano. X-box?
Clark: Later.
Lex: *is sad*

Clark: Dude, you're like the total manslut!
Lex: Don't I get points?
Clark: No! No points for you!
Lex: What do you care?
Clark: I...don't?
Lex: You do!
Clark: You gotta change. I'm just saying.
Lex: I suck.
Clark: You really do.

Clark: You lie like a rug, a dog, whatever!
Lex: Takes one to know one.
Clark: Um, so different.
Lex: Yeah, right.
Clark: Dude, to my face?
Lex: To your face.

Clark: You suck!
Lex: Dude?
Clark: *punches*
Lex: *punches back*
Clark: *bleeds* Whee!
Lex: Dude, why didn't you just say? Can I tie you up?
Clark: No! *runs away*

Clark: *gets up in Lex's grill*
Lex: *gets up in Clark's grill*
Clark: You suck!
Lex: You suck!
Clark: You really suck!
Lex: *inches closer* Yeah, you...
Clark: *inches closer* Suck, yeah...
Lex: *closer still* You...
Clark: *practically there* You...
Lana: Hey, guys!
Clark and Lex: Hey, La-na...

Lex: Your girlfriend's got a nice rack.
Clark: WTF?
Lex: Dude, I need to get laid. I'm just saying.
Clark: No, seriously, WTF?
Lex: I'd be up for a threeway. Think about it.
Clark: Um, processing...should I be kicking your ass?
Lex: Gotta go. She's here.
Lana: *drives up*
Clark: Dude, what *are* you saying?
Lex: Look, she's not your girlfriend anymore, she's mine. You've always had a nice ass so I'm willing to cut you in. Spell it out for you?
Clark: *blinks* You've checked out my ass?
Lex: Since day one.
Clark: Dude!
Lex: Threeway. Call me. Later! *drives off*
Clark: Dude! *considers, saves the world instead*
Tags: fic, humor fic, silly stuff, sv/dcu fic
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